Blog envy?

I have a few favourite blogs I turn to for laughs, to check on friends, to see how sane or insane they are - but I am feeling something like blog or is it life envy?

I don't post pictures of my nights out and friends. I probably should. It all looks a bit mundane to me on this blog. Maybe not to others. I am no longer sure.

I don't express myself as openly as many others and certain subjects are definitely off limits for me.

This sort of defeats its purpose though as it is supposed to be a private/public forum. If I feel constrained, what's the point? The best blogs are the ones that make you slightly squirm as it feels a little like you're reading a private diary.

There is a certain level of exhibitionism in having a blog -but I don't want to tell all. Hence the dichotomy.

God almighty - why I do make everything so complicated?

Sickness and snow

It snowed last night in London. It's October. I had been out all day and getting home, buses and walking, I got soaked, cold and wet.

I had an aching sore throat.

Now it is fully fledged, I feel hot, cold, tired, teary. Everything aches.

Of course, I know that I have brought some of this on myself. Waiting, anxious, no news, stress, too much time, checking bank balances, fretting, comparing, worrying.

None of that does much for a body.

What the Dickens?

I heard this expression today and it made me cackle inwardly with laughter.

But actually I think it deserves a revival.

It is nicer than "What the Fk", more descriptive than "What on earth." Better than - "What the hell, or In God's name.." which seems a bit heavy at times.

I shall reclaim this expression like a piece of marshland.

WHAT THE DICKENS I SAY!

Sometimes you just have to say...

Enthusiasm

I get accused of not being enthusiastic.

Why is that so?

Am I such a cynic?

If so when and why did that happen?

It is a curse.

And costing me opportunities as I can't do the fake, happy, smile.
People like enthusiastic people.

Bikram Bootcamp Yoga?

OMG

I have never felt so compelled to blog in my life. I have just tried my first ever American Bikram yoga class. Who was to know?

I knew it was in a heated studio. I knew I would sweat a lot.

What I did not not know was that the class was led by a man with blond crew cut, barking orders into a microphone mouth piece.

Nor did I know it was SADISTIC.

Here are some one liners that nearly made me burst out laughing - getting them down before I forget.

1. We do not serve cheese cake, we serve pain.
2. I said 45 DEGREES, that is half of 90. 45 (in loud bark).
3. It is meant to hurt.
4. Again, if you don't feel pain, it isn't working
5. I know you feel like you're having a heart attack -better to feel like that now than later in life.
6. Did I say you can take a water break? Did I? I did not. I will tell you when you can drink.
7. Do not get up and go to the bathroom. You get before or after. THAT IS IT.
8. Do not use water to shower yourself with, it is for drinking.

Apparently, I did quite well for a newby.

I hated every minute of it but was too scared to get up and leave. I could feel my heart pounding throughout the entire class, my ears went funny, I couldn't breathe, my head was spinning and all I kept thinking of -get me out, get me out.

The clock seemed hidden and remember the melting Salvador Dali clock -I am sure it was.

Never ever again.

In DC

It's a fun time to be here just before the election.

I must buy some Obama trickets - some great T shirts and a very fun bag whereby 20 per cent goes to the campaign. Whatever happens, it is an historic moment and I feel I should engage.

Two strange observations today about the grand Ol US of A.

I can't find a shop that sells newspapers.

Yup. True. I can find chemists that sell magazines, small annoying vending machines which I never have the right change for, Starbucks which sells a couple of things but...where or where can I buy a newspaper. Do they not have newsagents? Newstands? This needs further investigation.

Second point today. When you go into a shop to try things on -they looked at me like I was MAD when I said pointedly - I HAVE THREE THINGS.

"Yeah - whatever - go right in..."

But thinking she may be deaf and separating the things I tried again. "Three - three things..".

She turned, pushed me into a changing room and slammed the door.

Being British is not helping today.

We may speak the same language, but I am definitely an Englishman in New York. Sort of.

Slipping away

Everything is random isn't it?

Except as my good friend Chris said yesterday - until we decide it isn't.

So I have had two more job interviews. One I enjoyed but not sure if I can survive on the salary. One went really badly. Can't explain why - immediate clash of personalities. Contradictions. Expectations not met. Not what I thought it was, maybe I wasn't what they thought. Who knows?

It was hard - panel interviews on the phone always are.

The holiday was ok. Nothing special. It rained. Freak floods in Southern Spain - the worst in 22 years.

Of course.

Nice food and wine and good long treks - despite the kagul down to my knees.

I may post some photos if I can be bothered.

I feel like everything is a really really big effort at the moment.