Here's the deal.
Girl meets bloke on a "blind" date.
I've never understood why they are called "blind" dates except perhaps you want to stab your own eyes out in frustration with toothpicks and ice cubes?
Or it feels like you're being punished by the gigantic eagle set by Zeus to feed on the ever-regenerating liver of the Titan Prometheus, after he was chained to the peak of Mount Kaukasos as punishment for stealing fire from the gods?
Or Pringles from the bar?
I think his eyes were pecked out - weren't they?
I need some help here.
adj., blind·er, blind·est.
- Having a maximal visual acuity of the better eye, after correction by refractive lenses, of one-tenth normal vision or less (20/200 or less on the Snellen test).
- Of, relating to, or for sightless persons.
- Performed or made without the benefit of background information that might prejudice the outcome or result: blind taste tests used in marketing studies.
- Performed without preparation, experience, or knowledge: made a blind stab at answering the question.
- Performed by instruments and without the use of sight: blind navigation.
- Unable or unwilling to perceive or understand: blind to a lover's faults.
- Not based on reason or evidence; unquestioning: put blind faith in their leaders.
- Slang. Drunk.
- Lacking reason or purpose: blind fate; blind choice.
- Difficult to comprehend or see; illegible.
- Incompletely or illegibly addressed: blind mail.
- Hidden from sight: a blind seam.
- Screened from the view of oncoming motorists: a blind driveway.
- Secret or otherwise undisclosed: a blind item in a military budget
So - to the point.
I went on a blind date this week. Met in a bar - had a glass of vino - got comfy and then he walks in.
Average looking. Nasal voice. Cynical. Not overly bright, not that funny.
He's looking me up and down like I am a strange animal and I'm trying to make small talk.
Except I can't, can I? Nope - one glass later and having some airwaves to fill, I have pronounced that weddings are a waste of time and money; that most jobs are pointless, that I probably won't stay in the UK and that, I am not sure about any of this blind date malachy.
Suffice to say he leaves exactly an hour and I mean TO THE DOT since we meet. 20.30 to 21.30.
Fair enough I suppose except I was in full flow and hadn't concluded anything.
He wasn't saying much of any interest.
He had a car, I didn't. He shot off -leaving me ambling and slightly tipsy chatting to myself looking for the bus-stop.
If he ever finds this blog - good.
That was no way to treat a lady, was not impressed.